enjoy your life - the key
Flattery is the key to people’s hearts. From the most fantas-tic of skills that one can exercise is to train himself to discover
the positive points in people and praise them for these points
before drawing their attention to a fault.
Many people reject advice not because of arrogance or the
lack of conviction that they are at fault, but only because the one
advising does not give the advice in an appropriate fashion.
Suppose you go to a government hospital for treatment.
When you approach the reception, you find the receptionist
to be a young man who is engrossed in his newspaper whilst
smoking cigarettes, heedless about whatever may be happening
around him.
You notice that there is an old man standing at the reception
holding a small baby in one hand, and an appointment letter in
the other, waiting for the receptionist to direct him to see the
relevant doctor. Next to him there is an old woman carrying a
little girl who is shivering with fever, waiting for the receptionist
to finish reading the latest news about the football club he sup-ports, so he can direct her to the paediatrician.
When you see this situation, you become uptight - and this
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is understandable - and scream at the receptionist, “Hey you!
Are you in a hospital or elsewhere? Don’t you fear Allah? The
patients are moaning in pain and you are just sitting there read-ing your paper and having a smoke! This is amazing! Someone
like you can only be dealt with by lodging a complaint to your
manager! In fact, you should be sacked!”
You begin to strike the receptionist like thunderbolts with
these statements. Let us suppose that he does not respond to
you, or at least he does not scream back at you. Let us suppose
that he puts his newspaper aside and directs the patients to the
relevant doctors. Do you think that you have successfully solved
the problem? Not at all! Yes, you did deal with the crisis at hand,
but you did not solve the problem, because, even if he responds
positively to you now, he will return and do the same tomorrow
or the day after.
How should you then deal with him?
You should first quell your rage and then approach him. Deal
with him rationally and not emotionally. Do not let the intoler-able scene affect the way you behave. Smile, even if you are angry,
even if it be a fake smile.
Say to him, “as-Salaamu ‘alaykum!”
He would respond, as he looks at the photograph of his fa-vourite player, “alaykum al-Salaam, please wait a second...”
Say to him anything that would make him turn to you, such
as, “How are you doing? Good evening to you, by the way!”
He would surely raise his head and say, “al-hamdulillah, I am
fine.” You have now already accomplished half of the mission.
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Be kind to him by flattering him, “Believe me, I don’t think
someone like you should work at reception.”
He will be surprised and ask, “Why is that?”
Say to him, “Because a bright face such as yours, if a patient
were to see it, his illness would disappear and he wouldn’t need
to see a doctor anymore!”
He would smile back at you in surprise and become excited.
Now he is ready to accept advice.
He would say to you, “How can I help you?”
You then say to him, “Dear brother, do you see this old man
here and this old woman? Why don’t you deal with them first?”
He will get hold of their appointment letters and direct them
to the relevant doctors. He will then take your appointment let-ter. When he has finished dealing with your letter and hands it
over to you, you would say to him, “SubhaanAllah! This is the first
time I have met you, and you have already entered into my heart!
I don’t know how! By Allah, you are more beloved to me than
thousands of others!” And you haven’t lied since he definitely is
more beloved to you than millions of disbelievers!
He would be very pleased and thank you for your kindness.
You can then say to him, “I have some words to offer to you, but
I fear you might get upset.”
He would say, “Not at all! Please go ahead!”
You can then give him the advice, “Allah has blessed you with
this job. You are working right at the forefront of the hospital.
You are also an example to others. It would be nice if you were
to be a little kind to the patients and show concern over them.
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Perhaps the old man or the old woman would pray for you in the
darkness of the night.”
He would most certainly lower his head in shame as you
speak and say, “Thank you very much. May Allah reward you.”
In this manner, you should try to deal with anyone whose
manners need reformation. If you know of a person who takes
his prayers lightly, or a father who doesn’t care much about his
daughters’ appearance due to which they do not cover properly,
or a young man who is disobedient to his parents, and you want
to rectify their faults, then you must use the appropriate skills.
Use kind words to correct others’ faults. Be well-mannered
and respectful towards their opinion. Tell them, “I am only advis-ing you because I know you will accept my advice.”
Allah says in the Qur’an, “O you who believe! When you
consult the Messenger in private, spend something in charity be-fore your private consultation.”
The wise educator, the Prophet , would offer advice so skil-fully that the people would have no choice but to accept the ad-vice. Once, he decided to teach Mu’adh some words he wanted
him to say after the prayers in remembrance of Allah. He turned
to Mu’adh and said, “By Allah, I love you! So please do not forget
to say at the end of each prayer, ‘O Allah, help me to remember
you, thank you, and worship you in the finest manner.”
I ask you by Allah, what is the connection between the first
part of the Prophet’s speech, “By Allah, I love you...”, and the sec-ond part of his speech, “Do not forget to say, O Allah! Help me
to remember you.”?
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Perhaps it would have been more appropriate when he had
said, “I love you...” to say, “...and I would like you to marry my
daughter” – for example, or, “I want to give you some wealth”,
or, “I want to invite you over for dinner.”
However, after informing him that he loved him, he taught
him instead to say a few words in Allah’s remembrance! This
surely deserves contemplation.
Why did he say, “I love you...”? He said it to mentally prepare
him to take the advice that followed positively, by showing him
true emotional concern. When Mu’adh’s soul felt content after
hearing those words, the Prophet then gave him the advice.
On another occasion, the Prophet took hold of ‘Abdullah
bin Mas’ud’s right hand by his right hand and then placed his left
hand on top, as a gesture of kindness in order to mentally pre-pare him for advice. He then said, “O ‘Abdullah, when you sit for
at-Tashahhud in the prayer, you should say, ‘Salutations to Allah.
All acts of worship and good deeds are for Him. Peace and the
mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you, O Prophet!”
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud retained this in his memory. After many
years had passed and the Prophet had died, ‘Abdullah bin
Mas’ud used to proudly relate this incident saying, “The Prophet
taught me the Tashahhud whilst my hand was between his
hands.”
On another occasion, the Prophet noticed that ‘Umar
– may Allah be pleased with him – was making Tawaf around the
Ka’bah and as he wished to touch the black stone, he jostled
through the crowds and kissed it. ‘Umar was very muscular and
strong, and on his way to the black stone he could have harmed
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the weak. The Prophet wanted to advise him in that regard,
so, in order to make him mentally prepared for advice, he started
by saying, “O ‘Umar, you are a strong person.” ‘Umar became
pleased upon hearing this. The Prophet then said, “Do not
jostle through the crowds to reach the black stone.”
Once he wanted to encourage Ibn ‘Umar to perform the
night prayers, so he said, “How good a man is ‘Abdullah! if only he
performed the night prayers.” In another narration, it is reported
that he said, “O ‘Abdullah! Don’t be like so-and-so. He used to
perform the night prayers only to stop doing so.”
Yes, the Prophet would use these methods with all people,
and especially with the noble.
In the early period of the prophethood, there were those
who accepted Islam and those who rejected it. There was a man
in Madinah known as Suwayd bin as-Samit. He was a noble man
amongst his people and considered a very intelligent poet. He
had memorised many quotes of wise men, so much so that it
was said that he had memorised everything that has been related
from Luqman the wise. On account of this, people used to refer
to him as al-Kamil (i.e. the complete man) due to his excellent
poetry, nobility and lineage.
One day, Suwayd bin al-Samit came to Makkah to either per-form Hajj or ‘Umrah. News of his arrival spread amongst the
people and everyone wanted to see him. When the Prophet
heard about him, he visited him and called him to Allah and Islam.
He began to discuss with him monotheism and the message of
Islam, and informed him that he was a prophet who had received
the Qur’an in revelation, and that this Qur’an was the word of
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Allah containing admonitions and laws.
Suwayd said to him, “Perhaps what you have is similar to
what I have?”
The Messenger of Allah said, “What do you have?”
He said, “I have the wisdom of Luqman.”
The Prophet , upon hearing this, did not scold or belittle
him, even though he was comparing Allah’s speech to that of a
man. He was instead gentle with him.
The Prophet said, “Let me hear some.”
Suwayd then began to read whatever he remembered of Lu-qman’s wisdom, whilst the Prophet listened to him attentively.
When Suwayd finished, the Prophetsaid to him, “This is very
good.”
He then said, in order to get Suwayd more interested, “What
I have is even better. It is the Qur’an which Allah has revealed. It
is all guidance and light.”
The Prophet then recited the Qur’an to him and called
him to accept Islam as Suwayd listened attentively. When the
Prophet had finished talking, it was obvious that Suwayd was
greatly affected by it. He said, “This is very good.”
Suwayd then parted from the Prophet after being greatly
affected by what he had heard. Thereafter, he left for Madinah,
and it wasn’t long until war broke out between the two tribes,
al-Aws and al-Khazraj. Suwayd was from al-Aws and he was sub-sequently killed by al-Khazraj. This happened before the Prophet
migrated to Madinah. It is not known whether he accepted
Islam or not, but some men from his tribe have stated that when
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he died he was a Muslim.
Think about how the Prophet treated him and how he
captured his heart by his manners without being harsh.
In short...
Flatter generously. Criticise scantily.
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you need the full Version ?
by thes link
http://www.almeshkat.net/books/archive/books/Enjoy_your_Life-E.rar
by- dr.mohammed-alurify
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